Judgement

I’ve recently discovered that I judge like my life depended on it, and as it turns out, it does. For in others I find my value and worth.

I am a human, subject to the acceptance we all need being a homosapien on this planet. And with this need to be accepted I found myself looking for whatever I could to make myself better in the eyes of the world, for the Lord knows that I had no value in myself and therefore couldn’t find it in me… and if somehow this acceptance vanished then I would slowly fall into the abyss that swallows living humans and spits out lifeless numb motion goers.

Even if the world never knew I was doing all that I could to raise myself above another in attempt for others to say I am wonderful it was still happening. It wasn’t even malicious but at every turn I’d take advantage of noticing what in me was better than what was in another. I was belittling others to raise myself up and I had no idea it was happening.

Now that I’ve realized this, my knee jerk reaction is now to judge myself. But if there is one thing I’ve learned over the last year it is that to combat judgment you need acceptance. And so rather than dismissing myself as a failure for judging everything and everyone under the sun I’m going to tell myself that it was the only way I knew to look at myself positively. From here on out, whether I succeed at every turn or fall short, I will do all that I can to look at myself and accept myself for I am.