The shadows

I am baited by what I crave most, like a lamb led to its slaughter I feel when I look upon my wants knowing where they are leading me. I see death, I know defeat, I can express the bitter cry of my anguish when I chase them, yet still do I run after them as if my life depended on it. Why do I do this to myself my thoughts utter to my selfish ears. You know the sensation it brings, you love the calm before the storm I say to myself, why can't I just not go through the storm and enjoy the calming waters? That is my thought far to often, give me the outcome and results of a difficult life while never having to walk in courage, or battle through the thoughts of fear without actually having to wage war. I see now that my wants, my impulses and desires are for Glory without obscurity, to stand with the legends without defying the ordinary. I want the live without having to live through struggles. How messed up is this, what mindset has been consuming me, what man have I become that I will do anything not to look clueless just so I can stand in front of others to teach them? What hypocrisy has been hiding in the shadows, what foolishness masquerading as wisdom have I allowed to seep into these pools of love.